Thieves Are Bad Captives
by Caru Pendragon
Summary: An interesting character falls in the Monk's Temple, with Jack Spicer, Wuya, and Chase Young hot on her heels. Adding her skills to their arsenal could gain or lose them any number of Shen Gong Wu...it all depends on her mood for the day.
1. Of Thieves

**Author's Note: **Okay, thought I'd have a little fun with Xaolin Showdown. Sorry if it offends you. Here's a solution to that problem: _Don't read it._ I don't own XS, but I own Caru and the plot. Just enjoy. And yes, the chapter title is supposed to rhyme. Its a joke. Also: I don't really remember a lot of the Shen Gong Wu -I'll probably look them up on the internet - so bear with me. And its been a long time since I've watched it, so I'll try to get every single character right, but I can't promise anything. Much love!

**Chapter One: Of Theives and Their Pet Peeves and Insecurities.**

Caru found herself in a bit of a predicament. Since traditionally, the heroines had a.) blonde hair b.) pale, milky skin, c.) blue or green eyes, and d.) a fashion sense that belonged in the pages of _Vouge_, she felt that her position was a bit unrealilistic. As a brown haired, mocha skinned, plainly dressed girl, the bad guys had no right in chasing her across this plateau (another unfair thing - no good hiding places.) as if she were a blonde and had on stellar heels and a tube top instead of combat boots and a Beatles t-shirt.

Okay, she _happened_ to be carrying this object they all wanted. This Shen Gong Wu...thing. At least, thats what she'd heard them call it. Somehow, it had fallen into her innocent hands, and now she was being unfairly pursued. By this pack of bloodthirsty pack of vandals, hot on her heels, and for no reason at all!

Of couse she'd stolen it. It had been inside a mountain. With an entrance shaped like a cat. And everyone _knows _the best treasures are inside mountains with entrances shaped like cats. She'd snuck in, under cover of darkness, and made off with..six? No, seven? Maybe eight (yeah, eight.) of these weird little things tucked into her bag in the hopes that she could sell them to the highest bidder in Hong Kong.

The reader raises an eyebrow. Her? Sneak into _Chase Young's _lair and steal his Shen Gong Wu, just like that? Riiiiight. Of course it happened. Except that it couldn't. Because everyone knows those jungle cats would be all over her like a fly on stink the moment she broke a window. Duh.

Which means she used _powers_, of course. Most obvious thing in the world, if she does say so herself. Caru would not attempt to break in to a Prince of Darkness' home base without being magically equipped in some way. She would also like to put forth the following comment: "What, do you think I'm _retarded_?!? Sheesh. Just because I catch more sun than most girls..."

(As you can see, the milky skin thing really bothers her.)

Another shot of magical energy hit the ground behind her, electing a startled hiss of; "JesusMaryJoseph!" from the nontraditional heroine as she dove forward, trying not to land on her face. She caught herself, barely, and continued running toward the edge of the plateau, realizing that she was almost out of ground to cover. Luckily, the villians behind her were more concerned with arguing amonst themselves than _actually_ catching her, and she could probably escape without much more hassle.

Noticably absent was the infamous Chase Young, which irked Caru. You'd think that if someone stole nine (it was definitly nine, now that she thought of it) of your most precious possessions, you'd show up for the womanhunt. But no. Leave it to your incompetent, bumbling underlings. Because clearly, not being pale and blonde meant that you weren't worth capturing.

(see? It really bothers her.)

Shaking her head at the pathetic ghost and goth boy, Caru reached the edge of the plateau and stopped. "Well," She said, looking back at the two villians. "Looks like I've only got one choice."

"Yeah." The boy said, landing near her and walking forward. "Hand over the stolen Shen Gong Wu, and maybe we'll let you live."

Caru put a hand to her chin, as if thinking. "Nah. That wasn't the choice I was thinking." She answered, moving a combat boot clad foot a little further back, the heel dangling over empty space. "I don't wanna hand them over. I stole them fair and square."

The ghost guessed what she meant and hissed; "Jack, she's planning to jump again! Hurry!"

"If you jump," The boy, addressed as Jack, said, "The Jackbots'll catch you. I won't fall for the same trick twice." He took another step closer and held out his hand. "So give back the Shen Gong Wu and I'll make sure Chase doesn't feed you to the jungle cats."

"I don't see any 'Jackbots'." Caru observed, looking down and behind her. "And I doubt you have any say in what Chase Young does. _I_ wouldn't listen to anyone with that much eye makeup." She paused, and a thoughtful look crossed her face. "Unless this was Ancient Egypt. Then I guess I'd listen. But we'd all be wearing the same eye makeup..."

Jack gave the ghost one of the most confused looks she had ever seen, then said; "What are you...ahhhh!"

She'd jumped.

* * *

"Don't worry." Chase Young said, when Jack and Wuya had returned and explained what had happened. "I know where she is headed..." 


	2. Of Eyeballs

**Author's Note: **[insert usual disclaimer here Anyways, I'm having fun with this. Its a little like Terry Pratchet meets Xaiolin Showdown, only without any of the Discworld characters. So yeah. I would like to say that I don't have cable, and so the XS episodes I've seen haven't been in any particular order. Therefore: I don't know what happens at the end, only in the middle. Don't hate me for it. If you don't like it, don't read it. End of problem. Much love to you all.

**Chapter 2: Of Eyeballs, Water Buffalo, and Causing a Big Ruckus.**

...I _did _mention the powers, didn't I? Right. Okay.

Caru flew steadily to the East, toward Hong Kong. Falcons may or may not be common in China, but she was sure that any birdwatchers happening to spot her would probably put it down to a bad thousand-year-old-egg or something in the Peking Duck. Unless falcons were common. Then she could just rest easy.

Ornithogical matters aside, Caru wondered how long it would be before dorko goth boy and his purple ghost caught up with her again. _If _they caught up with her again, which she doubted. But, because the laws of the universe proclaim that bad villians always catch up with the heroine again, Caru knew they'd end up meeting again. Unless the whole not being a traditional heroine meant that the Natural Order of Things had been pushed askew, and she would be fine. Maybe. But probably not. The Universe had a way of working around anomalies. Namely by steamrollering over the top of them.

So better find a place to land for a while, then. Its always a good idea to have allies, or enemies of your enemies, when trouble is bound to show up. So who would a likely enemy of Jack and the Purple Ghost be? ...No, he was too pathetic for anyone to really care about, and Caru didn't know enough about the ghost to guess who its enemies could be.

She did, however, know something about Chase Young. And the people who constantly fought against him. The Xaolin Monks. Wasn't their temple somewhere near here? If she could get in, explain her situation, maybe trade a couple of the Shen Gong Wu for shelter (it was fine - there were ten, after all.), they would take pity on her, or be wowed by her amazing skills, and help her.

This is what we call in the business a _long shot_. It means that while the idea sounds good in your head, it may or may not actually be helpful when you act on it. If you are a _traditional_ heroine, long shots almost always work, for obvious reasons. But the Universe still hasn't quite figured out what to do with Caru just yet, so the almost always may or may not be working at the moment.

The girl-turned-falcon rode the thermals further East, hoping that the temple would pop into view, as usually happened to traditional heroines. It didn't. Even when she tried really, really hard to convince the Universe that she was blonde.

Heaving a mental sigh, the falcon landed in a tree.

A girl fell out of it. And swore.

Picking herself up slowly, Caru dusted herself off and walked along the path, toward the village she'd been aiming for. Like it or not, she was going to ask for directions, and hope that the baddies wouldn't catch up with her while she did. That would be kind of embarassing, and most likely very bad for her health. Shrugging, the girl continued down the path, hoping to run into someone before too long.

----

"Excuse me," Caru said to the man standing in the field. He was holding a string that was attached to a water buffalo, and his eyes swiveled slowly to me hers. "Do you know where the Xiaolin Temple is? I'm a bit lost."

She could almost see the thoughts moving in his brain, and tried not to scream. A traditional heroine would _not_ have to deal with this. But she waited patiently, and eventually the man told her it was to the Northeast, each word slotting into place with all the speed of a tortoise on a hot day. Caru thanked him and, after dodging behind a tree, took to the skies again.

The man was right - after flying Northeast for a few miles, a building that could be none other than the Xiaolin Temple popped into view. Caru flew down toward it in a tight spiral, sharp falcon's eyes peeled for any signs of ambush, which, thanks to the laws of the Universe working against her, would probably happen. Or not happen. Whichever was less glamourous.

Landing on the roof, Caru waddled across it until she could watch the Xiaolin Monks in their training ground, training. (duh.) She debated with herself the merits of landing in their midst and changing back, and had gotten to the fourth pro/con when a huge crow landed next to her. It looked at her with one beady black eye, then nodded.

"Mornin'."

"Mornin'."

"Don't much see falcons around here. Where're you from?"

"Oh, over near Manchuria. Got lost in a windstorm. You know how these things are."

"Yeah. Don't tell _me_ about windstorms. My Master sends me out on all kinds of missions, reguardless of the weather. And does he care if you come back with half your feathers sticking up the wrong way? No."

"That's too bad. Is your Master one of these kids?"

"Naw. He's their enemy. Don't suppose you've heard of Chase Young, have you?"

" 'Course! Badass like him? Who hasn't? But why's he sending you to spy on a bunch of kids?"

"Some chit of a girl stole a couple of his treasure thingies, and he thinks she'll end up here. You haven't seen another girl around here, have you? Brown hair, tan, pretty unremarkable altogether?"

"Nah. But tell you what. I'll keep watch and you push off. About three miles East of here I passed some dead mountain goats. With the eyeballs still in. Might even still be warm."

Crows can not resist fresh eyeballs. Not even Evil Trained Crows from Beyond the Grave. It is a fact of life that no amount of power can break. The Crow lifted off with a squawk of excitement and flapped away to the East, where the ficticious eyeballs waited for him. Caru watched him go, waiting until he was nearly out of sight before waddling across to the other side of the roof and seeing if she could catch sight of the Master of the Temple.

An old man was watering the plants along one of the paths. Probably the Master, if the Universe would let the whole heroine thing work for her for a change. Deciding it was worth the risk, Caru dropped down to the path and quickly changed back to human. "Are you the Master of this Temple?" She asked, hands behind her back and clutching the sack of Shen Gong Wu.

The man turned around, obviously a bit startled, but relaxed when he caught sight of her. "Indeed, young one. I am Master Fong. Can I help you?"

A crash echoed from the training ground, and angry voices filled the air. Caru looked sheepishly up at Master Fong. "Perhaps we should talk inside?"


End file.
